{"id":1182,"date":"2018-09-24T11:42:14","date_gmt":"2018-09-24T10:42:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.radicallyopen.test\/?p=1182"},"modified":"2018-09-24T11:42:14","modified_gmt":"2018-09-24T10:42:14","slug":"chilling-out-is-therapeutic-even-for-ro-dbt-therapists","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.radicallyopen.net\/blog\/chilling-out-is-therapeutic-even-for-ro-dbt-therapists\/","title":{"rendered":"Chilling Out is Therapeutic – Even for RO DBT Therapists"},"content":{"rendered":"

When I teach skills class, I will confess I kinda cringe when we get to lesson 5.\u00a0 Week 5 is dedicated to Engaging in Novel Behaviour and includes a discussion of the art of non-productivity.\u00a0 For someone who leans toward over control (OC), my brain automatically switches the term \u201cnon-productivity\u201d to \u201claziness.\u201d\u00a0 I cringe because despite the personal work I have done through my involvement as a RO DBT therapist, supervisor and trainer, \u201cthe art of non-productivity\u201d remains my albatross.<\/p>\n

For those unfamiliar with this lesson, let me walk you briefly through it. For our OC clients, they are biologically hardwired to be risk adverse and as a result, often engage in rigid and rule governed behaviours.\u00a0 This can be as seemingly benign as driving the same route every day to work or more intrusive as seen with rituals associated with anxiety or Anorexia Nervosa. We teach engagement in novel behaviours through the skills Flexible Mind VARIEs where we ask clients to:<\/p>\n

V\u2013 Verify one\u2019s willingness to experience something new<\/p>\n

A \u2013 Check the Accuracy of hesitancy, aversion, or avoidance<\/p>\n

R \u2013 Relinquish compulsive planning, rehearsal or preparation<\/p>\n

I \u2013 Activate one\u2019s social safety system and the Initiate new behaviour<\/p>\n

E\u00a0\u2013 Nonjudgmentally evaluate the outcome<\/p>\n

Novel behaviours also require a willingness to be a bit silly or non-productive; mammals are innately capable of play and playfulness is no laughing matter!\u00a0 Play serves to reinforce both cognitive and social emotional skills, and allows us to deepen our intimacy with others.\u00a0 But for our OC clients (and therapists!) this can be challenging.\u00a0 We know this and as such, supply a list of self-enquiry questions (see page 133-134 of the skills manual<\/a>) to help elicit the \u201cedges\u201d that may arise. For my clients I often tell them this story:<\/p>\n

So I want you to imagine a woman who lived in an 800 square foot apartment with one cat.\u00a0 She had a rule that work always came before play.\u00a0 So she would make sure the house was clean, the cat box taken care of, emails answered and inbox to zero, dishes washed and put away, and all errands were run. She often caught up on her paid work after hours and prided herself on her work ethic.\u00a0 Only when everything was done could she relax and maybe watch a movie or go out to see some live music.\u00a0 Often, though, she noticed that her \u201crelaxation\u201d was centred on gaining her next personal best time on her bike or watching Ted Talks that could be included in her teaching.\u00a0 <\/em><\/p>\n

Normally, my clients see this as perfectly acceptable behaviour.\u00a0 It kinda makes sense, doesn\u2019t it?\u00a0 Get the \u201cto do\u201d out of the way so you can get \u201cto be.\u201d\u00a0 However, the story continues:<\/p>\n

Now imagine this same person gets into a romantic relationship, complete with aging in-laws, ends up with 3 cats and 3 dogs and moves into a 1500 square foot house with a yard. Her work ethic has gained her a promotion at work requiring much more responsibility. Wow, so much to do! Can you imagine how much email, house cleaning and poop that translates to? <\/em><\/p>\n

I then ask my clients:<\/p>\n

Does her rule of work before play or rest seem to make sense in this context? <\/em><\/p>\n

Clients resonate with this story\u00a0 and tell me of course the woman should chill out a bit\u2013 they see themselves in it, on the treadmill of \u201cto do\u201d without pause and often experiencing resentment because of how hard they work.\u00a0 I then tell my clients that this is not fiction but my own experience, and learning to balance work and play is a work in progress.\u00a0 So I do not smuggle in that this is the \u201chardest\u201d skill (because it is for me, tee-hee) but rather \u201cout\u201d myself in relation to this module.<\/p>\n

Of course, as I write this, I recognize it is Friday night.\u00a0 A friend has invited me to see a band later on and still I am perseverating on how to fit the vacuuming in!\u00a0 So I will close here, practice Flexible Mind Varies and continue to walk the talk.\u00a0 And maybe dance a bit.<\/p>\n

\n

About the author:\u00a0J. Nicole Little, Ph.D., R.C.C.<\/em><\/strong><\/h2>\n

\"\"Nicole is a therapist specializing in eating disorders and other conditions of overcontrol in Victoria, B.C., Canada.\u00a0 She has also taught for 13 years at Universities and colleges. Her passions are RO DBT and animal assisted therapy.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

When I teach skills class, I will confess I kinda cringe when we get to lesson 5.\u00a0 Week 5 is dedicated to Engaging in Novel Behaviour and includes a discussion of the art of non-productivity.\u00a0 For someone who leans toward over control (OC), my brain automatically switches the term \u201cnon-productivity\u201d to \u201claziness.\u201d\u00a0 I cringe because […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":1201,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[4],"tags":[],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.radicallyopen.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1182"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.radicallyopen.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.radicallyopen.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.radicallyopen.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.radicallyopen.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1182"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.radicallyopen.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1182\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.radicallyopen.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1201"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.radicallyopen.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1182"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.radicallyopen.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1182"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.radicallyopen.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1182"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}