Those red dots that litter my forehead are disgusting; they are flaws, I can\u2019t let them be seen. But they look a lot better than they used to. Better isn\u2019t good enough, this year was supposed to be the year that my face looked perfect and spotless. Says who? Says me, because I\u2019m using the medication, I\u2019m following the dermatologists regime, and since I still look a mess, it’s all my fault, I should be better. Some of this is out of your control. Well it should be in my control.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Remember, don\u2019t show much weakness; cry, but only cry silently; do not cry if physically injured, only if something really mentally hurtful has happened; the death of a pet or a truly gut-wrenching betrayal are valid reasons; only cry in front of very close friends\/family; if you cry because you fell down, you\u2019re pathetic; pain is part of life, deal with it. Why do you get to decide these things? It just seems right to me; others don\u2019t have to follow my rules, but that will
affect my opinion on them. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Always pretend I know what I\u2019m doing; asking for help is stupid; others will think I\u2019m incompetent, and I can\u2019t let others know that. If you don\u2019t ask for help, you won\u2019t learn. I don\u2019t want to learn, I want to know. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Perfection must be shown in public; imperfections are for when you\u2019re alone, with nobody to witness it. Pretend I know everything, even though I don\u2019t know much at all, however, don\u2019t appear \u201ctoo\u201d smart, I don\u2019t wanna be that kid; if I need to appear more on others\u2019 level, do so; don\u2019t be sure of myself unless I know I\u2019m 100% right; imagine being sure and then being proven wrong, how embarrassing! Unless positive, say \u201cwell, but I\u2019m not totally sure, don\u2019t listen to me.\u201d Being wrong is a part of life. It’s a learning process. I don\u2019t want to learn. Bottom line, I must show self-doubt, instead of making a fool of myself by letting others prove me wrong. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Everyone is better than me at basically everything; I hate it, I want to be the best. Practically nobody is the best. Well, I want to be; I want people to look up to me. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
If someone calls me out, get angry; if someone says I did something wrong, fight back, even if I agree with them; I will not let others exploit my weakness. It\u2019s not a personal attack, it’s learning so you don\u2019t make the same mistakes in the future. That makes it seem like they know better than me; I won\u2019t let them believe that; I won\u2019t back down, that makes me seem weak; trying to understand other points of view means I was wrong, and I won\u2019t let others know I\u2019ve given in to their beliefs instead of sticking with my own; do not apologize if someone corrects me on something, that means I\u2019m a pushover and bowing down to their authority which I will not do, they have no power over me, only I decide what I do. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Be aloof, act like I don\u2019t care what others think, even though I really do. In order to maintain good relationships, you have to show you care. Well people could take advantage of that, I can\u2019t allow that to happen. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Judge those I don\u2019t understand; I don\u2019t want to make the effort to try, it’s uncomfortable to me. Some things in life are uncomfortable. I\u2019ll avoid those experiences as much as I can. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
You need to develop some self-love, some self-confidence. No, I have to earn it. If I don\u2019t look perfect, I don\u2019t deserve to love myself; I won\u2019t be confident until I\u2019ve reached that level. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
For someone who doesn\u2019t like authority, you sure follow a lot of rules. They\u2019re my rules, though. I made them. But why? All they do is hurt you. I\u2019m not sure, but I don\u2019t know how to stop.<\/p>\n\n\n\n