In RO-DBT, there\u2019s the assumption that clients characterized by overcontrolled (OC) tendencies need to let go of always striving to perform better or try harder. I\u2019ve been reflecting on this perspective recently, in the context that I\u2019m experiencing symptoms of depression again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m no stranger to treatment-resistant depression, and over the years, I employed the same overall strategy to target my recurring symptoms. This strategy included trying harder at recovery, never giving up, and working towards change until I felt exhausted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For example, every time my depressive symptoms would flare-up, I\u2019d restart a diary card – whether I was in therapy or not. I\u2019d start monitoring my urges, goals, and emotions. I\u2019d increase my number of therapy sessions. I\u2019d go over my \u201cWellness Plan\u201d and crisis worksheet, read yet another self-help book, and focus on adding<\/em> more behaviours in my life to counter my urges to stay in bed all day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If I had enough energy, I\u2019d even make a list of every symptom, then craft a specific plan to target each one independently. Low mood? Add in exercise. Loss of interest and pleasure? Add in leisure. Loss of appetite? Add in snack times. Loss of social connection? Add in coffee dates with friends.<\/p>\n\n\n\n As a result, I ended up doing more<\/em>. This constant focus on change took its toll, and as much as behavioural activation is important, I realized that at times, I worked so hard at my recovery that I got in my own way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n So, this time around, I\u2019m trying a different approach. I\u2019m curious to see if a more laid back, less overcontrolled way of coping with my depressive symptoms will help.<\/p>\n\n\n\n These days, I tell myself, \u201cThis is where you\u2019re at right now, and that\u2019s OK. There\u2019s no emergency or threat; you can just \u2018be.\u2019 It\u2019s OK not to feel better immediately, and it\u2019s OK to just focus on the present moment.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Once I feel grounded in the present moment, this allows me to deepen my self-enquiry practice. My most recent self-enquiry practice went as followed:<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhat would happen if you stopped trying so hard to get rid of your depressive symptoms?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhy does it feel so threatening to just allow yourself to stay in bed and sleep more during this difficult time? What if that\u2019s what you need?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhat would happen if you did cancel commitments, took time off, and focus on doing less? Would the world explode? Would your self-worth suddenly be on the line? God forbids you take a day off!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhat if all this hard work towards recovery is actually getting in the way, draining your energy? Are you living according to your values?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhat would happen if you just accepted things as they are, and try to learn from them?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n I\u2019m glad to report that my self-enquiry practice about my \u201cperformance\u201d in recovery brought new insights, the main one being that my constant focus on change during tough times functioned to give me the illusion that I had more control over my symptoms than I did.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Now, I\u2019m more willing to accept things as they are, more willing to let go of specific future outcomes, and more open to \u201cgoing with the flow.\u201d I\u2019m trying to be brave, especially because I am responding to my symptoms in a different manner, and this may lead to new territory for me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Accordingly, it\u2019s also a lovely opportunity to explore, discover, and grow! \ud83d\ude42 <\/p>\n\n\n\n
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