One concept that stood out to me when I first learned about RO-DBT was the practice of self-enquiry in order to find your \u201cedge,\u201d or your personal unknown. In my opinion, there was no clear-cut definition, and as someone with overcontrolled (OC) tendencies, I desperately wished for one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Even after poring over every chapter of the textbook and skills training manual, I still didn\u2019t understand what it meant to find or ride your edge. The words \u201cpersonal unknown\u201d were vague, and I wanted a better description.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In fact, what I truly wanted to know was exactly<\/em> what it would feel like, look like, and how I might succeed in doing it perfectly. I wanted concrete steps and detailed instructions, and I felt frustrated with the author for failing to include a clear-cut definition in the official manual \u2014 preferably one in bold capital letters.<\/p>\n\n\n\n When I asked my therapist to enlighten me and clarify exactly what it meant to find your edge, she burst into laughter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThat\u2019s so overcontrolled of you!\u201d she said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n What followed was an interesting discussion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhy do you need to define it?\u201d my therapist asked me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cBecause I don\u2019t know the definition!!\u201d I said, exasperated.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cDo you know the definition of every word?\u201d she asked next. \u201cProbably not all words, so why do you need<\/em> to know this one?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI don\u2019t know!!\u201d I said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Then, she challenged me to think of the reasons it was important for me to have access to a clear-cut definition.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I quickly realized that deep down, I wanted a clear-cut definition, because I thought that if I knew for sure what it meant, then I would be able to do it better.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cIf I knew more about what it meant to find my edge, then I would feel more comfortable, and more certain about stuff,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The irony here is that finding your edge is an uncomfortable process in itself, and feeling uncertain as well as out of your comfort zone is kind of the point. <\/p>\n\n\n\n In the end, my therapist and I agreed that essentially, the edge is \u201ckind of a vibe.\u201d A vibe where you\u2019re not quite sure where you\u2019re going, or what\u2019s happening, where you\u2019re kind of flailing but also growing and learning. \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n\n\n\n Fast forward two years later, and I still don\u2019t have a perfect or \u201cright\u201d definition. That\u2019s okay, because I\u2019ve come to terms with the fact that there isn\u2019t one. I think that finding and riding your edge is a process that looks different for everyone, and that\u2019s what makes it unique.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Your \u201cedge\u201d is the place where you have something to learn, and as somebody who has spent the last few months actively seeking it, I can confirm that not only is it a courageous place to be, but also one you won\u2019t regret visiting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Dr. Lynch chose not to pin down a clear-cut definition of \u201cedge,\u201d sensing that it\u2019s something uniquely felt rather than universally described. He feared that defining it too precisely would turn it into a blueprint others might blindly follow, instead of letting each person navigate their own emotional terrain to discover what \u201cedge\u201d means to them.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\nEditor’s note: <\/h6>\n\n\n\n
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