I recently organized my computer files and found a document entitled \u201cMy Shame List.\u201d Even though the title doesn\u2019t sound positive, the document actually contains a list of homework ideas that I came up with a couple of years ago while I was in therapy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Reading my list, I couldn\u2019t help but notice how all the items targeted issues relevant in RO DBT\u2014 especially since OC individuals often experience feelings of shame. I noticed that most of the exposure exercises included being subjected to other people\u2019s opinions, and this made sense, as shame is an emotion closely related to being included or rejected by others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I also noticed that most of the exercises weren\u2019t about tackling my \u201cbig\u201d fears. However, sometimes it\u2019s the seemingly insignificant situations or things that appear as \u201cno big deal\u201d that can teach us the most.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Now I\u2019d like to share some of the items on my list and the reasoning for including them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Warning to other OC folks: reading the following might make you blush, gasp, or say, \u201cOh my\u00a0 God.\u201d Get ready to be horrified! <\/em>\ud83d\ude42 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n 1. Inviting friends over even though my bedroom was \u201cmessy.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Reasoning: to show my brain that I wasn\u2019t going to be rejected for having a few random items lying around, which somehow equated to \u201cthe end of the world.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n 2. Proudly sharing my love for reality TV and reading Twilight<\/em> on public transport.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Reasoning: to show my brain that leisure matters and there\u2019s nothing to be embarrassed about \u2013 even if you\u2019re an English major reading a book that\u2019s often described as \u201cabsolutely cringy.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n 3. Telling others about a \u201cbad\u201d grade (aka anything below an A) or showing someone else my academic transcript.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Reasoning: to show my brain that grades aren\u2019t tied to my self-worth, and that nobody was going to think less of me for a few B\u2019s or even C\u2019s!<\/p>\n\n\n\n 4. Raising my hand in class and giving the wrong answer (on purpose). Other variations include mispronouncing words or sending emails with obvious spelling mistakes (also on purpose).<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Reasoning: to show my brain that it was OK to make mistakes, and not be perfect all the time!<\/p>\n\n\n\n 5. Calling somebody for help instead of being stubborn and hanging on to the idea that I needed to be 100% independent, 100% of the time.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Reasoning: to show my brain that vulnerability was okay, and that asking for help was not a \u201cweakness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Before engaging in these exposure exercises, I felt so much anxiety. When I realized that, in fact, there was no emergency, no threat, and no reason to feel deeply ashamed, I was overcome with relief.<\/p>\n\n\n\n In short, engaging in exposure exercises taught me that my self-worth remains intact, and that I am still worthy \u2014 even when I cook a meal for someone else that doesn\u2019t turn out to be delicious, even when I sing off key in front of my friends, and even when I don\u2019t \u201cget it right\u201d the first time around.<\/p>\n\n\n\n At the end of the day, it wasn\u2019t easy, and it took a lot of courage, but checking off most items on my \u201cshame bucket list\u201d was beyond worth it. \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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