Authors Archive

From Rivals to Friends

I grew up with several sisters, and we were all very competitive in nature. I have distinct memories of the ways that we tried to gain advantage over one another and perceive that we were “winning.” We would make every little thing into a competition. Our contests ranged from who could arrange food on our […]

Yes, we have no bananas

As regular readers might know, I am traveling more these days with delivering intensive trainings in RO DBT. It has been an absolute privilege and delight to train alongside Tom, Erica, Kristen and Sophie. My mother in law commented prior to the last trip: “You sure have met some good friends on this journey, eh?” […]

Learning How Not To Fall Apart by Being Radically Open

Practicing Radical Openness is life changing in many ways. Radical Openness allows us to take responsibility for our actions (especially our mistakes), failures and grief without falling apart. If you’ve ever seen someone else fall apart, you might consider what your urge was in that moment? Probably you wanted to swoop in and try to […]

To Cancel or Not to Cancel? That is the Question

After a call to my husband, reassuring him (“I’m fine”) and a quick cry, all I could think was ‘how am I going to get to work on time for my intake now?’ Never mind that I’m 16 weeks pregnant with my first child and just had a car accident in a country that is […]

What’s in a Name? Labeling Social Signal Targets

Fast-Forward, Boring Celebration, Spin Cycle, Bulldozer, Pulking…. what on earth do these things have in common? They are all social signaling target names! Social signals are focused on as the primary mechanism of change in RO DBT and targeting is the process of identifying the maladaptive social signals that are keeping our clients out of […]

Best Thing to Pack When Travelling? Flexible Mind

I have an enduring old story that “I am not a traveller.” As someone who leans to OC, I naturally prefer structure, routine and predictable outcomes. I hate public loos (but know where they all are), not knowing what bus to catch or making mistakes in another language. The first time I went to France […]

VARIEs is the Spice of Life

The point of trying something new is to try something new. I frantically repeat this Radically Open DBT principle in my mind while standing with wobbly legs and then falling from my paddle board into the warm waters of the Gulf of Mexico. This wasn’t even my idea! Embarrassment knocked at the door of my […]

A Novel Idea: Bibliotherapy in RO DBT – Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine

One of the things I love about working with clients who lean to overcontrol is that generally speaking, they are articulate, intelligent and due to their risk and social adverse nature, often very well read and creative. Long before I began working in the RO DBT realm, I was a keen proponent of bibliotherapy. Bibliotherapy […]

Oberon’s Cape

The year I was cast as Puck in A Midsummer’s Night Dream was supposed to be the highlight of my high school experience. Contrary to popular belief, people who lean to overcontrol (of which I am one) often excel in activities that involve audiences. This can include public speaking, teaching, and positions of leadership. As […]

Keeping Score of Kindness

It was early in the morning as I was walking through the plane aisle. I was grumpy from plane delays and feeling pain radiate from my back (somewhat chiding myself for using a backpack to travel rather than a suitcase). As I found my seat, I glanced at the overhead compartment sighing at the inevitable […]

The Competent Cook

“I want to create a sense of community.” That’s me, sharing one of my valued goals with my colleagues and partner. Like many folks who lean to over-controlled temperament, I’m a great planner and find achieving goals rewarding, so I had already identified how to achieve my goal: by sharing food. I visualized a diverse […]

What Beowulf Taught me about Playfulness

Since my involvement as RO DBT, I have learned a lot about playfulness. Clinically, I have learned that bringing playful irreverence into the therapy room and skills class functions to model to people who lean to overcontrol (OC; of which I am one) that chilling out is therapeutic. After all, if we are not playful […]