Authors Archive

The Secret Key

I want to get out of here. I was at a book event that included one of my favorite authors. I had been invited by good friends of mine and I was thrilled at the prospect of seeing Glennon Doyle Melton in person. The evening, however, was going much longer than I had anticipated and […]

Signaling Trust

The other morning, as I was drinking my coffee and reading the news, I came across an article describing how many parents are now monitoring, and yes controlling, their college kids’ movements via the app Life360. I was somewhat horrified reading the article, but could understand the pull. I lean OC and began to learn […]

OC Approach coping out of control!

I would like to think that I am not “into” my phone. And I don’t mean the rotary phone in my house that we wow the neighbourhood kids with 🙂 I am referring to my cell phone. Perhaps I have some secret pride about this, BTW, but I guess it is not so secret if […]

Doing Flexible-Mind REVEALS in the heat of the moment

Funny enough, one of my favorite things to do with my partner is ride in the car. Anywhere, everywhere; the longer the better. The ride gives us ample opportunity to talk and enjoy each other’s company with minimal distractions. However, one day it also proved to be an opportunity to practice my RO DBT skills. […]

From Rivals to Friends

I grew up with several sisters, and we were all very competitive in nature. I have distinct memories of the ways that we tried to gain advantage over one another and perceive that we were “winning.” We would make every little thing into a competition. Our contests ranged from who could arrange food on our […]

Yes, we have no bananas

As regular readers might know, I am traveling more these days with delivering intensive trainings in RO DBT. It has been an absolute privilege and delight to train alongside Tom, Erica, Kristen and Sophie. My mother in law commented prior to the last trip: “You sure have met some good friends on this journey, eh?” […]

Learning How Not To Fall Apart by Being Radically Open

Practicing Radical Openness is life changing in many ways. Radical Openness allows us to take responsibility for our actions (especially our mistakes), failures and grief without falling apart. If you’ve ever seen someone else fall apart, you might consider what your urge was in that moment? Probably you wanted to swoop in and try to […]

To Cancel or Not to Cancel? That is the Question

After a call to my husband, reassuring him (“I’m fine”) and a quick cry, all I could think was ‘how am I going to get to work on time for my intake now?’ Never mind that I’m 16 weeks pregnant with my first child and just had a car accident in a country that is […]

What’s in a Name? Labeling Social Signal Targets

Fast-Forward, Boring Celebration, Spin Cycle, Bulldozer, Pulking…. what on earth do these things have in common? They are all social signaling target names! Social signals are focused on as the primary mechanism of change in RO DBT and targeting is the process of identifying the maladaptive social signals that are keeping our clients out of […]

Best Thing to Pack When Travelling? Flexible Mind

I have an enduring old story that “I am not a traveller.” As someone who leans to OC, I naturally prefer structure, routine and predictable outcomes. I hate public loos (but know where they all are), not knowing what bus to catch or making mistakes in another language. The first time I went to France […]

VARIEs is the Spice of Life

The point of trying something new is to try something new. I frantically repeat this Radically Open DBT principle in my mind while standing with wobbly legs and then falling from my paddle board into the warm waters of the Gulf of Mexico. This wasn’t even my idea! Embarrassment knocked at the door of my […]

A Novel Idea: Bibliotherapy in RO DBT – Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine

One of the things I love about working with clients who lean to overcontrol is that generally speaking, they are articulate, intelligent and due to their risk and social adverse nature, often very well read and creative. Long before I began working in the RO DBT realm, I was a keen proponent of bibliotherapy. Bibliotherapy […]