Authors Archive

The Art of Teasing

“Are you going to give him a dog treat too?” My friend teases with a coy smile. Her tone is warm and friendly and I can feel her gaze just out of my line of sight. Just a moment before I had been mechanically rewarding a child I hardly knew with a “well done” for […]

Take it Teasy

I have been giving more thought to the concept of teasing lately. Often in my experience as an educator and clinical supervisor, I have noted how clinical assessments and case conceptualizations sometimes conflate teasing with bullying. “Oh, he was really teased in middle school” or “my parents were relentless teasers.” And the use of these terms […]

OC, AND PROUD OF IT!

In my early days of learning about RO-DBT I didn’t connect the dots that maybe…just maybe I was OC (overcontrolled). It wasn’t until I started to teach the skills to Veterans in a group (we call it class 😊) format that I started to realize, that I am OC! (I was later given much needed […]

Bitterness, revenge and fox gloves

One of the major themes that is covered in RO DBT is that of bitterness. If you say the word out loud, it can sound like it tastes – harsh. When I say the word out loud, my lip inadvertently curls into a contemptuous social signal. It’s like bitterness and contempt walk hand in hand. […]

An Epidemic of Loneliness: There’s no shortage of people in the world. So why are so many so lonely?

Many people all over the world express feeling a tremendous loneliness. Frieda Fromm Reichmann defines loneliness as the want of intimacy, and it has long been recognized as a serious and painful issue. Mother Teresa once said, “The biggest disease today is not leprosy or cancer or tuberculosis, but rather the feeling of being unwanted, uncared for, and […]

Pushing Through Pain: aka Too Much Impulse Control

I am in yoga class and have just been silently congratulating myself on my amazing Crow pose (resting my knees on my upper arms, feet up, with just my palms touching the ground). I’m thinking how awesome I have become at this posture and really feel secure in it. And then, I fall. Hope Arnold, […]

The Other F Word: FAKE

Much of RO DBT therapy includes an emphasis on practicing skills that will help people who lean toward overcontrol (OC) get back into the tribe, and as a result, back to optimal mental health. According to Lynch, psychological health or well-being in RO DBT is hypothesized to involve three core transacting features: Receptivity and Openness […]

My Obsession with Eyebrows

I’ve done a few degrees, but I think I am now doing a post-doc in eyebrows. I never really thought much about eyebrows, really. They are just kinda there, aren’t they? The first time I paid attention to eyebrows was with my dad, whose eyebrows are, I admit, quite impressive. While he has precious little […]

Tips on How to do Self-Enquiry with Another Person

Self-enquiry is a core skill from RO DBT that that focuses on asking yourself good question in order to find your “edge.” Your edge is your personal unknown and the place where we have something new to learn. Self-enquiry presumes that “we don’t see the world as it is, we see the world as we […]

Emotional Leakage

RO DBT posits that many folks are experts at inhibiting emotions, delaying gratification and generally keeping things looking quite perfect. And this is really important for keeping the world ticking along. But as we say in RO DBT, sometimes you can have “too much of a good thing.” And a consequence of superior inhibitory control […]

Being Kind to Perfection

Usually I am a superb driver, but with my sister and my nieces in the car, my level of distraction and excitement is through the roof. We headed to dinner Sunday night at our favorite burger place and were discussing a store that just closed on the opposite side of the street. I began to […]

The Purple House: Learning to Forgive Yourself

My favourite colour has always been purple. When I was in elementary school, living in a boring, grey stucco house, we had a neighbour who in my child’s eyes lived the charmed life. Not only was her house raised via the slope of the road, it had a robust yard, wonderful views of our street […]