Fixed, Fatalistic & Flexible: the gifts of the RO states of mind
Recently, I’ve been reflecting on the three RO states of mind: Fixed Mind, Fatalistic Mind, and Flexible Mind.
According to RO-DBT, when we find ourselves in Fixed Mind, we might think that “change is unnecessary, because we already know the answer.” On the other hand, when we find ourselves in Fatalistic Mind, we might think that “change is unnecessary, because there is no answer.”
Flexible Mind is the synthesis of the two.
To add some context to my reflections, I did standard DBT for almost three years, which means that I became very acquainted with DBT’s states of mind: Emotion Mind, Reasonable Mind, and Wise Mind.
Later, when I discovered the three RO states of mind, I couldn’t help but notice some similarities and differences.
In one session with my RO-DBT therapist, we discussed how in standard DBT, the goal is often about finding a balance between the two. In RO-DBT, however, perhaps it is not so much about finding a balance.
Maybe it is more about how to match the social signal to the specific context. Flexibly responding, in some instance, can be about keeping the best parts of Fatalistic and Fixed Mind.
My therapist observed that perhaps Flexible Mind is about using the good things about both states of mind, depending on the situation I find myself in.
When I find myself in Fatalistic Mind, it’s a signal that I’m overwhelmed and that things are too much. When I find myself in Fixed Mind, it’s a signal that my perfectionism and rigid, rule governed behaviour has taken over (most often to avoid painful emotions).
Both states of mind keep the other one in check. What do I mean by that? My Fixed Mind’s mantra is, “keep going, keep trying, and never give up.” When this is not adaptive, my Fatalistic Mind can step in and help me “quit” or learn to give up (when it’s the effective action to take).
When my Fatalistic Mind has taken over and has led me to a place of despair and hopelessness, my Fixed Mind can come in and give me the determination I need to keep going to achieve my short-term and long-term valued goals.
When it comes to comparing DBT and RO-DBT states of mind, I see a lot of overlap. For me, when I’m in Wise Mind, it usually entails responding in a flexible manner (Flexible Mind). When I’m responding flexibly, it’s usually a clue that there’s some wisdom there (Wise Mind).
When I’m in Emotion Mind and feeling unjustified shame, guilt and sadness, it can lead me to behave in a fatalistic, might-as-well-give-up, sort of way (Fatalistic Mind). When I find myself in Reasonable Mind, I am often engaging in behaviour that is rule governed and rigid (Fixed Mind), to avoid painful emotions.
What I find helpful in RO-DBT is the idea of being kind to Fixed Mind and learning from Fatalistic Mind. In DBT, I didn’t focus too much on appreciating my states of mind or learning from them. I was taught how to identify what state of mind I was in, but the idea of relating to them, or treating them as parts that are trying to help, wasn’t something I explored.
I can’t wait to further my knowledge – and I have an inkling that self-enquiry will be helpful here. 🙂