“Let Me Tell You a Story You Think You’ve Heard Before”: Reflecting on RO-DBT’s Assumption That We See Things as We Are
A month ago, I had the privilege of seeing the musical SIX! in London’s West End. Not only was it a fabulous show with catchy lyrics, but it also reminded me of RO-DBT’s assumption that we don’t see things as they are – we see them as we are. SIX! tells the story of Henry VIII’s six wives, and how they reclaim their narrative, with the aim of “rewriting history.”
The musical’s message is that these women were more than just wives. Despite having only been known as Henry VIII’s wives in popular culture and history classrooms for years, they each have their own individual identity outside their marriage to the king. In other words, the wives get a chance to tell a different version of the same story.
This reminded me of my own history lessons. History is subjective depending on many factors, and there are many points of views depending on who you are, where you grew up, and what you were taught in school.
Perhaps we see historical events through a certain lens, (versus how they “truly “happened), and there are many lenses, or versions of the “truth.” For example, when it comes to military conflicts, who you consider the “bad” guys will depend on which side you’re on.
RO-DBT advocates for a dialectical stance, so there can be two opposite versions that can be true at the same time. If we look beyond historical events, there are other instances where we see things as we are versus how they are.
Animals from different heights will experience the size of a room differently, kids with different cognitive abilities will experience events according to their respective stage of development, and adults who speak different languages may also understand a certain concept differently due to language variations.
The wonderful news is that there is no right or wrong! For example, the sky may be blue for humans, but another color for dogs. Does the air feel hot or cold? That depends on the amount of fur each animal species has!
Reflecting on RO-DBT’s idea of seeing things as we are has also helped me reflect on my past. My mental state often colors the way I remember certain events, and my mood often shifts my perspective (e.g., a rainy day can both be a blessing and curse, depending on how you feel or what you want to do in the moment).
For a long time, I was stuck in an endless cycle of mental health crises, inpatient hospitalizations, and traumatic events. In the moment, I interpreted “reality” very differently than I do now.
At the time, my brain protected me by making me see reality in a way so I would suffer less (e.g., lacking judgment to shield me away from the severity of the situation and the associated suffering).
Fast forward a few years later, and now that I’m in a healthier state of mind, or a different version of myself, I see reality and those events differently than I did in the past. This makes me believe in RO-DBT’s assumption that we do see things as we are.
Finally, it’s important to remember that who we are can also shift, and what matters is that, just like Henry VIII’ s ex-wives, it’s never too late to “rewrite history,” and “do ourselves justice.”