Always Be Prepared?
On the west coast of Canada, summer is fading into the background. The summer garden has been harvested, light-weight linens have been swapped out for fleece vests and cozy trousers. Likewise, how we interact with the beautiful environment we live in begins to change (except for those hard assed cold plungers who throw themselves into the ocean year-round – I only teach the dive reflex, wink-wink). One of the things I like best about living on the west coast of Canada is that I can technically do my most favourite outdoor things all year round – hiking, biking, camping, even gardening – albeit in much rainier and muddier conditions. And the change of the conditions requires a change in my preparation. And who better to prepare than someone who leans to OC! It is practically our expertise! We were literally born to be experts in planning! But, as we ask in RO DBT, can you have too much of a good thing? Is it possible to be too prepared?
According to Dr. Thomas Lynch, developer of Radically Open Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (RO DBT), the answer is yes. In his neurobiosocial model, he lists 4 biotemperamental characteristics that us OC folks come hardwired with. There are:
- Low reward sensitivity
- High threat sensitivity
- High inhibitory control
- High attention for details
For the purpose of this blog, I am going to focus on high threat sensitivity. For people who lean toward OC, we are kinda on edge, most of the time. We have a hard time being relaxed at a staff meeting, holiday get togethers, or even at the dog park. We are constantly anticipating and appraising for risk, even in situations that others would consider “chill.” And it’s exhausting. Dr. Lynch (2018) asks: “but why does an OC individual find social situations so exhausting? One explanation is that social interactions are highly unpredictable- we can never know for certain how other people will respond to us. This lack of predictability is compounded by OC individuals’ biotemperament-based high threat sensitivity, which makes it more likely for them to perceive social interactions as potentially hostile” (p.16). Anticipating the worst in situations also lends to preparing for the worst. This can include rehearsing what we are going to say in social situations, checking an email multiple times before sending lest one offends, doing a deep google review lest we make the wrong choice of purchase, driving to an appointment the day before to scope out parking, ordering the same thing at a restaurant in case a novel dish disappoints, agonizing (silently, of course) about how to interpret a text a friend sent, or perhaps a true story, cleaning your house before vacation in case you die and people think you are messy. Phew. If you feel “seen” in any of this, don’t panic – we got ya! RO DBT teaches the skills we need to relax our threat sensitivity without getting rid of the good stuff.
Coming back to the great outdoors, Dr. Lynch reminds us that for OC folks, we can’t just leave our temperament at home! My threat sensitivity comes in handy when hiking because I remember to pack three litres of water – one for me, one for the dog and one “just in case.” My threat sensitivity makes me a great hiking buddy because I pack all the good snacks (and extra, just in case). I pack an extra leash because I am a pro at running into lost dogs, and a folding dog dish lest my dogs get dehydrated (cause that would be a huge vet bill!). Oh, but then I heard about the lady who had to pack her dog out because he tore a ligament, so now I also pack a dog sling. Oh, and that “bear in area” sign keeps popping up, so better pack bear spray, but it barely fits on the fanny pack I wear in addition to my back pack. And once, 16 months ago, I got a bug in my eye, so now I wear safety glasses hiking, but had to add my reading glasses and a mirror compact should I have to get another bug out of my eye sometime. Not to mention the basic first aid kit I carry. Suddenly, my pack is too small, so I upgrade to a larger pack to accommodate all my contingency planning. Now when I go hiking my back hurts cause my pack is too large! (Maybe I should pack some Tylenol, oh, and probably more compression socks…). Anyway, you get the picture. Soon I will be driving to the hiking trail head in my personal Red Cross van!
My real-life experience is akin to the Lynch’s (2018) story of Hunting Dogs, Swords and Shields. At times, we bring forward the very things that deter us. Sure, we are prepared for life but not participating in it. Our aim is not to get rid of preparing or throwing caution to the wind (but that can be fun sometimes, just sayin’!) but rather to look at where ultra preparing is weighing us down, getting in the way of relationships and/or valued goals or stealing the joy of the actual thing we are preparing for! So, my challenge to you – especially with some holidays around the corner (not that I am looking ahead, not me!) is to prepare a little and let it go. As for me, I am going to lighten my pack – literally and lessen my load -metaphorically.
References:
Lynch, T. R. (2018) Radically Open Dialectical Behavior Therapy. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Press.
Lynch, T.R. (2018). The Skills Training Manual for Radically Open Dialectical Behavior Therapy: A Clinicians Guide for Treating Disorders of Overcontrol. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Press.