High functioning on the outside, lonely on the inside: signs you may have OC tendencies.
According to RO-DBT, “OC clients are the doers, savers, planners and fixers of the world.” They are also “the guests who help clean up after the party” and “not the ones you see yelling at each other from across the street.”
Additionally, I believe that OC individuals are the ones who love certainty, proofread emails before sending them, and never forget birthdays. In my personal experience, you may also have OC tendencies if…
- You were described as “a pleasure to have in class” and praised for being “mature for your age” as a child. Now as an adult, you are the “mom” friend, the designated driver, and the emergency contact. You are the responsible one, and the “I have Advil and a spare hair tie” friend.
- You organize your shopping items on the conveyor belt to make things easier for the cashier at the grocery store. Other similar scenarios include stacking up dirty dishes when eating out at a restaurant so the server can easily grab them, and making sure you have your passport and boarding pass ready to be scanned at airport security, so you don’t leave others waiting.
- You have clearly labelled Tupperware containers, a calendar stuck on your fridge, and productivity apps downloaded on your phone. You always thank the bus driver, never raise your voice at customer service representatives, fold your laundry as soon as it’s done, and don’t leave dirty dishes in the sink.
- You make every deadline at work, answer emails on your days off, and spend time thinking about work during the holidays. You show up at work even when you’re ill (until your coworkers force you to go home) and secretly judge others’ work ethics.
- You have read The Bell Jar, Prozac Nation, or My Year of Rest and Relaxation. You have journals full of sad poetry, and easily become enveloped in feelings of hopelessness. As an eldest daughter turned people-pleaser, you also have an entire shelf dedicated to self-improvement books and are now fully immersed in a spiritual healing journey.
- You feel emotionally lonely, and struggle with showing vulnerability and asking for help. You say, “I’m fine” even when you’re clearly not fine. You give fake smiles, avoid eye contact, and don’t allow yourself to cry in front of others.
- You are quick to dismiss any achievement and have a hard time accepting praise with grace. You say, “It wasn’t a big deal,” “It wasn’t that important,” and “It didn’t mean that much.” (even though it clearly mattered to you).
- You found yourself nodding while reading some of the items above. You want to pretend that none of it resonated with you because you pride yourself on being hard to impress, but are secretly glad you aren’t the only one with these experiences. 🙂