RO-DBT Therapists: A Rare Species That Cares Deeply
It’s been eight months since I started individual RO-DBT as a client, and since then, I’ve come to several conclusions.
First, RO-DBT therapists are a rare species (with fabulous eyebrows, may I add *insert eyebrow wag*). They are slightly obsessed with self-enquiry (“What is there to learn?”), awkward role plays (unfortunately for me) and leisure magazines (especially the ones filled with the latest Hollywood gossip).
Secondly, RO-DBT therapists have superpowers. At least, mine does. For example, she has the unique ability to detect emotional avoidance at a level that feels legally questionable. She is attuned to my facial expressions, which leads to self-conscious emotions. Finally, she is skilled at using humour and makes me laugh sometimes, which lifts my spirits whenever I’m having a bad day.
So, what makes an RO-DBT therapist different than a “regular” therapist? I can only speak from lived experience, but from what I’ve observed, the main difference is that RO-DBT therapists aren’t afraid of being their imperfect selves. They practice and model radical openness, humility, and play. They help their clients feel less alone in their struggles, and they can be both gentle and challenging at the same time.
My therapist knows when to call me out and when to reassure me that I’m not a burden. She gets weirdly excited when I cancel therapy because I’m sick, and even considers it a success??? She responds in a way that I’m not used to, and I’m often taken by surprise, especially because I’m used to seeing therapists who specialize in standard DBT.
She’s an expert when it comes to recognizing a slight change in my tone of voice. She is not fooled by my “I’m fine’s.” I’m willing to bet that she is deeply unimpressed by my excessive self-control. In fact, I’m certain that the more composed I appear, the more curious (and suspicious) she gets.
I’m still recovering from that time when she dared me to show up to a Silent Book Club, Twilight in hand (thankfully for me, the library was closed so it was impossible to checkout that *embarrassing* book).
I’m still puzzled by her question of, “Do you think it’s possible to get an A without putting in maximum effort?” Even if the answer is yes, obviously maximum effort is always required, or else you didn’t really earn it?! Everyone knows that!
And finally, I’m grateful for the validation and emotional support she offers me each week. Having a therapist is a huge privilege, and I don’t take this privilege for granted. I’m lucky to have found her when I did.
I think what I appreciate the most about my therapist is her modelling self-enquiry. One of her best self-enquiry questions so far has been, “By choosing to do this, what am I giving up?” I am also a fan of her signature phrase, “What makes you say that?” as well as her willingness to receive feedback.
I’ve had A LOT of therapists over the years, and each of them managed to bring their personality into the room, one way or another. I would describe my current RO-DBT therapist’s style as warm, steady, and kind. Her approach is gentler than I’m used to, and she often uses an easy manner.
Most importantly, her overall aesthetic includes vibrant turquoise (think tropical ocean waters), a Starbucks drink always nearby, and a relaxed, “it’s okay to chill out” and “welcome to the tribe” vibe.