Social Safety in Action: building a personal contentment box
One optional homework in RO-DBT is to create your own “personal contentment box,” filled with items that help activate social safety. Today, I want to share what you can find in mine.
In RO-DBT, clients are encouraged to use touch, deep pressure, massage and hugs. I have stuffed animals, including a giant Teddy bear that I can hug. I keep a smooth, beautiful heart-shaped stone in my box that was gifted by a close friend. I own Calm Strips, picky pads, and fidget toys (e.g., Tangles, keyboard clickers, squishy balls), and have a magnetic worry stone stuck to the back of my phone.
When it’s not possible for me to go for a massage or do acupuncture, I use a weighted blanket and eye pillow (which not only smells of lovely lavender but can also be microwaved or placed in the freezer). I also have body oil that feels amazing when I massage it into my skin, and a hot water bottle that I enjoy placing over my stomach – especially in the winter months.
For chewing and eating, I like chewing all sorts of flavored gum and eating soft snacks (my go to recently has been mini loaves of chocolate chip banana bread). Also, in the spirit of RO, perhaps those of us needing a little bit of fun could blow some large bubble gums while we’re at it!
For hearing, including music and the human voice, I own a baby sleeping aid that features stories and lullabies (as a bonus, it also acts as a night light). Sometimes, I listen to my therapy sessions or play recorded messages from loved ones in the background as it helps me calm down.
For vision skills, I love flipping through the pages of a beautifully illustrated children’s book. I look at pictures of my travels, and moments when I was well, which reminds me that recovery is possible. I also have an album filled with pictures of me as a child, which brings me joy.
According to RO, stimulating the dive reflex or intense exercise can also function to turn off defensive arousal and promote the activation of the social safety system – although these skills should be used carefully and only by individuals for whom it is safe to do so. For me, I own instant cold packs because I can carry them anywhere, and a hot pink skipping rope.
One thing that isn’t mentioned, but that I have found useful, is having items that remind me I’m part of a tribe. I have many cards and letters from loved ones, for all sorts of occasions. A note from a therapist, a yellow bracelet from a friend symbolizing luck, a few Polaroids, and little trinkets and mementos that remind me I’m part of a community, have been powerful in reminding me I’m not alone in moments of intense distress. Finally, I have a stack of envelopes and stamps (because I love sending snail mail to members of my tribe!).
Other items I have found helpful, but that may be more aligned with the self-soothing skill taught in standard DBT, include: art supplies (e.g., alcohol based markers, Cozy Coloring books, clay, embroidery kits), sour candies (they help bring you back to the present moment), and bubble bottles (this helps with focusing on breathing and is sort of silly!).
Of course, let’s not forget to honour my galaxy projector, my raindrop diffuser, my mindfulness deck of cards, my favorite hot chocolate mix, and my Korean face masks!
Although my personal contentment box is well stocked, this didn’t happen overnight. I can imagine that creating one from scratch can be daunting. A reminder that it’s okay to start small, and it’s okay to have fun with the process too! 🙂